नौकरशाही और कोल्हू

आइंस्टाइन ने विक्षिप्तता की परिभाषा ऐसे की थी:

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

(विक्षिप्तता: एक ही कर्म बार-बार करना और अलग-अलग परिणामों की अपेक्षा करना)

कोल्हू का बैल भी कुछ ऐसा ही करता है। यदि उसे रोका ना जाये तो सरसों का पूरा तेल निकलने के बाद भी वह गोल-गोल घूमता ही रहेगा यह सोचकर कि अभी तेल निकल रहा है, या और तेल निकलेगा। क्या कहा आपने? कोल्हू का बैल सोचता कहाँ है? बिल्कुल सही फर्माया - हम नौकरशाह ही कौन-से सोचने के महारथी हैं?

एक आम बैल को सुबह शाम भूसी-खल्ली में पानी मिलाकर चारा मिलता है, और अवश्य मिलता है चाहे सारी सरसों ख़त्म हो जाये और सारे खेत जुत जायें। उसे निठल्ले बैठने पर भी भर-पेट भोजन मिलता है। हमें भी महीने के आख़िरी दिन पूरी तनख़्वाह कुछ वैसे ही मिलती है, महँगाई भत्ते के साथ - हर महीने, और कभी कभी तो पिछला बकाया चारा भी एरियर्स के तौर पर डाल दिया जाता है।

हमारा सरकारी तंत्र एक कोल्हू ही तो है। सारी नौकरशाही कंधे पर जुआ रखकर तेल पेर रही है। सरसों सूखकर रेत बन गयी, पर हमें और आता ही क्या है? हम तो भाई साहब, कोल्हू ही चलायेंगे और इसी में से तरक़्क़ी, प्रगति, ख़ुशहाली, टेक्नॉलॉजी, हरित-ऊर्जा, और सामाजिक सौहार्द्र पैदा करेंगे। आप बस देखते जाइये - इसी कोल्हू में से हम स्किल्ड इंडिया, बड़ी-बड़ी फैक्ट्रियॉं, वंदे भारत रेलगाड़ी, उच्च-शिक्षित स्नातक और अंतत: एक आत्म-निर्भर भारत निकालेंगे। इसे कोई मामूली कोल्हू ना समझें - यह तो सागर और मंदराचल पर्वत का लघु रूप है सागर मंथन का कलियुगी अवतार|

कोल्हू वही रहता है, बस बैल बदलते हैं। एकदम हॉट-स्वैप बैल - एक रिटायर हुआ नहीं कि दूसरा आ लगता है। गति और गतिविधि कभी नहीं रुकती। कभी-कभी कोई नई सरकार आ जाती है, मानों कोई नया किसान आया हो, और आधारभूत सवाल पूछ लेता है - भाई बैल! सरसों तो कब की सूख गई, कुछ नया क्यों नहीं करते? कोल्हू भी जर्जर हो गया, कहो तो एक आधुनिक तेल की मिल ख़रीद दें मोटर वाली, जैसा कि दूसरे देश वाले पहले ही कर चुके हैं?

पर हम तो वही काम जानते हैं जो हमारे अंग्रेज आका सिखा गये। और तो और, हमने तमाम कोड और मैनुअल ऐसे बना रखे हैं जो इसी कोल्हू पर फ़िट बैठते हैं। अधिकांश तो सन् अठारह सौ सत्तावन के फ़ौरन बाद लिखे गये थे। अब पुरानी धरोहर के हम ही तो रखवाले हैं, चाहे कोल्हू हो, या फ़ाईल-पत्र की व्यवस्था या उनके नियम क़ायदे। काम होता दीखना चाहिये, परिणाम निकले या ना निकले। हमारा तो रोल-मॉडल ही कोल्हू का बैल है जो निरंतर चलता रहता है। दूर से देखें तो चहल-पहल अच्छी लगती है। गले में टुनटुनाती घंटियां दुनिया भर में कर्मठता का संदेश फैलाती हैं| अगर कोई बैल जुआ फेंककर या पगहा तुड़ाकर नई राह तलाशने निकलता है, तो किसी-न-किसी कोल्हू या कोल्हू के बैल, अर्थात् किसी-न-किसी डिपार्टमेंट के लपेटे में आकर ढेर हो जाता है। नहीं तो सीवीसी, ऑडिट, सीबीआई जैसे हरकारे खेत की मेड़ पर बैठे हैं, जो  बैल को झट पकड़ कर वापस कोल्हू में जोत देते हैं कि जाओ बेटा शांति से तेल पेरो, जो तुम्हारे बॉस लोग कर रहे हैं। कभी-कभी तो किसी क्रांतिकारी टाईप बैल को जेहल में चक्की पीसने पर लगा दिया जाता है। घूमना तो गोल-गोल ही है, कोल्हू हो या चक्की।

आप आम जन तो आइंस्टाइन के कथन को ध्यान में रखें और अगले जन्म में नौकरशाह बनने की प्रार्थना करें। निश्चिंत रहें, कोल्हू आपको सलामत मिलेगा। जैसे ही कोई बैल धराशायी हो आप अपना कंधा लगाने को तत्पर रहना। फिर गोल-गोल घूमिये और सुबह-शाम की भूसी-खल्ली तय समझिये।

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Festival of Lights. Really?

 Festival of Lights. Really?

Do not despair, Fellow Citizens! Fireworks have not been banned for the first time in our country. Don’t blame the Supreme Court either. Aurangzeb did that too through a firman. At least two occasions are recorded in history with documentary evidence. There was no concept of pollution in his days.

Restriction on Atishbazi (www.aurangzeb.info) 

Akhbarat-i-Darbar-i-Mu‘alla, Julus 10, Shawwal 24 / April 9th 1667.

“The Emperor ordered Jumdat-ul-Mulk to write to the Mutsaddis of all the subahs (provinces) of the empire that display of fire-works (atishbazi) is being forbidden. Also, Faulad Khan was ordered to arrange for announcement in the city by the beat of a drum that no one is to indulge in atishbazi.”

Note:

The Hindus celebrate Diwali to commemorate the return of Lord Ram to Ayodhya, after fourteen years of exile and victory over Ravana, by lighting lamps and bursting crackers etc. Some time before imposing the ban on atishbazi (fireworks) Aurangzeb had written (22 November 1665) to the Subahdar of Gujarat that “In the city and parganas of Ahmedabad (or Gujarat) the Hindus, following their superstitious customs, light lamps in the night on Diwali… It is ordered that in bazars there should be no illumination on Diwali.” (Mirat, 276).

Let’s look at the gradual creep of efforts to limit celebrations in Diwali. Firecrackers have been an important part of the festivities.

2001

Supreme Court suggested (did not order or pass a judgement) that fireworks on Diwali should be limited to four hours - from 6PM to 10PM. Fireworks were not criminalised then. A massive campaign started in schools by NGO Auntys and Evironmentalist Uncles to tell the children that fireworks were the biggest cause of pollution, hurtful to old men and women and pets. No old man or woman was part of this campaign. No grandmother ever stopped the children from having their few hours of fun a year.

2005

Another petition in the Supreme Court connected Fireworks with noise pollution and demanded a ban on them. Use of firecrackers after 10PM was declared illegal and violation would invite penalties and jail term. Children were continuously made to feel guilty about firecrackers. That the fireworks industry provided livelihood to lakhs of persons in South India and brought food on the plates of poor children was never mentioned.

2010

With establishment of the National Green Tribunal the chances of any relaxation became dimmer. It discovered that Diwali fireworks was a major source of pollution.

2016-17

Harshvardhan, the Union Health Minister of BJP government requested the Lt Governor of Delhi to completely ban firecrackers.

2017-18

Several NGOs joined hands and moved the NGT, which banned firecrackers completely. The Tribunal also ordered that “smokeless green fireworks” be made. People opposing such bans were termed uncivil, bigots, insensitive and irresponsible.

2020

Fireworks ban was extended to the whole country. 850 persons were arrested in Delhi alone that year on Diwali. The NGT issued notices to 18 state governments.

2021

Celebrities and brands have made it a mission to ask us to refrain from firecrackers. This year has seen even sanitising Diwali of all its historical and religious supymbols

All these years there have been no concerted efforts by the other party, the one that believes in cultural traditions, festivities of Diwali, some fun for their children and deeper celebrations, to contest these moves. Why blame the judiciary alone, when you can’t put up an informed fight? A few hours of tradionsl fun is being called threat to right to life and is being held responsible for all the pollution in the country. And, we now have an entire crop of young children, who are ridden with guilt over firecrackers, earthen lamps and the joy of the Festival of Lights.

The AnnData of India

It is due to Reliance Jio that we now have data @₹4 per GB (or even less), the lowest in the world. I remember that before the advent of Jio Airtel or Vodafone would give us a mere 1GB data for the whole month for ₹199, call charges extra. Today for less than ₹250 per day you get 2GB per day for a month and unlimited calls. All telecom players have fallen in line. Imagine that they would charge you one Rupee for a 160 character SMS not long ago; now you can write copiously on WhatsApp and transfer files and pictures nearly free, and encrypted.

A rough calculation would show that due to the sharp drop in data tariff, driven by Jio,   fifty crore Indians are saving at least one lakh crores every month! That is 12 lakh crores every year compared to the old tariff.

100 crore subscribers

Old rate of data ₹200 per GB

New rate of data ₹4 per GB

Considering usage of 2GB data per day and 60GB in a month

Monthly cost at old rates: ₹12,000

Monthly cost at new rates: ₹250

Saving per subscriber per month: ₹11,750

For say 60 crore subscribers

Monthly saving: Approx ₹7 lakh crores

Annual savings by India on data alone: ₹84 lakh crores

(I agree some of it is notional but you get the idea, don’t you)

We have survived the COVID lockdowns just due to cheap data. Unlimited entertainment on streaming services has been such a respite. Even before the pandemic the CEO of Netflix said that the best thing to have happened to Netflix in India was Jio!

Crores of children, half of them abjectly poor have been able to attend online classes only due to this cheap data. Corporates have been able to hold their respective herds together through Zoom and Meet and conduct business.

Incumbent players in Mobile Telecom accused Jio of predatory pricing and monopoly. How absurd? How could a new entrant become a monopoly. And, if he gives free or low cost services to attract customers, nothing wrong with that too. Ultimately they all fell in line and had to forego fat profits. Airtel and Vodafone had some two hundred Vice Presidents each, one at each street corner. Why? Only because you could fleece the poor Indians?

And, that is why I call Jio the अन्नData of India. 

Death of the Dak Pad

Every bureaucrat of India was served a fat folder of documents in the morning, the DAK PAD. The folder contained all the letters received the previous day, which an Office Superintendent would assiduously classify based on subject matter, status of the sender, purpose of the letter as he understood, and the route of its disposal. Most often the Sahib would go by the suggestions of the Bada Babu, the OS.

The Dak Pad was a kind of morning bulletin, which would in a matter of half-an-hour bring up the Sahib to speed on what was happening in his domain, what was expected of him from the Head Quarters, what requests and petitions called for his attention and accordingly he decided the course his day would take ­– replies to be dictated, orders to be issued or data to be collated, further “position” to ask for etc. In other words, the Dak Pad was the ultimate planner.

An accomplished Sahib, with his uncanny ability to separate the grain from the chaff, would in a few seconds, decide the action to be taken on each letter and his office would get into the requisite gear to achieve the targets for the day on behalf of the boss, until the next Dak Pad arrived the next day. It didn’t matter what level of the hierarchy the Sahib lived at. He had his respective commensurate and matching Dak Pad. A lower rung Sahib would often get a letter sent to him from Dak Pad of the boss, which the latter would have perused the previous day. He may then decide to pass it on to the next level. Thus a letter could take up to a week to reach the appropriate level beyond which it could not be passed down any further.

For a letter to jump levels of hierarchy was a strict no-no. It had to take the mandatory six days to travel six layers of office tables. It was at the lowest level that government came alive and action took place. A draft reply, or the action plan, or the “position” would often travel the same path in reverse – from bottom to top, either through the same Dak Pads or duly “put up” in files. Files still exist. They cannot be given up for they are eternal beings unlike Dak Pad, which had to be refilled every morning. A file is a permanent home of documents, where the government dwells in the form of letters and notings and is also the device through which it acts.

The Dak Pad has now practically vanished from the table of the Sahib or is in its death throes. With the government insisting on electronic ways, an entirely new genre of office working is evolving to replace the Dak Pad and all attendant ways of office business. It is called e-Office. The e-Office has killed the soul of the government office – no Dak Pad, no Day Planner, just plain ad hocism.

The Sahib comes to his chamber, sits at his table and twiddles his thumbs knowing not where to start. The morning rush of adrenaline is missing. So, he picks up his smartphone and browses through WhatsApp messages. Then he looks into each corner of his vast table and the side tables and racks – but no paper is to be seen. He is dismayed and feels disempowered. He then calls the Bada Babu hoping some paper would be presented to him, but the Bada Babu is no where to be seen. The Office Superintendent, whose letter sorting skills would set the daily tone of the country’s governance is practically jobless. He now inspects bathrooms, lunchroom sinks and cobwebs on file racks.

The Sahib receives his daily Dak by email, e-Office, WhatsApp and myriad other encrypted channels. They are all scattered means and need to be opened separately like three of four different Dak Pads. None of them gives the pleasure of ripping open the white string of a Dak Pad. Besides, his power of pen, which by a few scribbles on the earlier paper-letter send the corridors ringing, has lost the punch. How does one scribble on a computer screen? And, how does the magic of turquoise ink play on WhatsApp? Where does he doodle now? The Sahib is no more his old self. He can’t delegate, he can’t send the office scurrying for cover by a pen-stroke, he can’t cast satire on his colleagues, he can’t send a paper upwards for a good word back from the his boss. He can only type, and that is not what he had joined the coveted Civil Service for.

Well, the Sahib can still take a printout and perform the power-scribble on it and send it onward for the the old-fashion impact. But, someone down the line would capture it, scan it and reconvert it into a computer screen! The war is lost, the Office Superintendent is now an idle ceiling-watcher, the Sahib is an emaciated ghost of his old self, the bureaucracy is dead, the country is sleeping.