My Rules of Facebook - On Friendship Day.

Dear Friends, Friends in Waiting and Wannabe Friends,

 
In the new year after the Friendship Day just gone by, let us resolve to be good friends on-line. Here are the rules I follow and expect you to follow if you want the privilege of my Facebook friendship.
(What! Did you just say you do not want to be my friend? That is perfectly fine with me too.)

 
1. You should have your own photo in the “profile photo” box. No, the picture of your saucepan doesn’t qualify, neither does the photo of your cute little cuddly pup. I also do not get any idea of who you are by looking at the shot of your newly born daughter. Yes, she is adorable, but it doesn’t help at all. Your name alone is not a great help to my memory either. There are half a million out there with the same name. Also, I cannot make out what you looked like in college, when we last met, from your childhood photo. So your own photo please, and a recent one!

2. Please do not send me invitations to play Candy Crush or Heady Heartthrob, or whatever you spend your time playing in your office. While the levels that you have achieved in such intellectual games does speak a lot about your cerebral achievements, I am still not up to them. Therefore, please spare me the pleasures that you enjoy so effortlessly. Maybe I am dull, dimwit and downright rustic. But, I am happy the way I am.

3. Please update your profile when you change your job, city, dog, car, phone number or spouse. Your profile reads, "Worked in Company XYZ" instead of "Works in company XYZ". Have you been sacked? Are you jobless these days surviving on state dole? Your profile also suddenly states that you married the person, who we always thought was your husband/wife for a quarter of a century. Was it all illegal so far, or as they say nowadays, a live-in arrangement till yesterday? I am concerned as a true friend. So, please update your profile too.

4. Please do visit your own “wall” occasionally and update your “status”. A friend who has nothing to say for months at a stretch is no fun! So, please do write something interesting once in a while, which proves that you are still alive and kicking, for I tend to unfriend dead friends.

5. Sending links to sensational news items, Jokes or YouTube videos without your own views on them doesn’t count as “status update”. I too buy newspapers and occasionally visit the YouTube as well. After all, I too have an office to attend.

6. Posting of photos of various Gods doesn’t count either. With thirty three crores of them, you could actually post a new photo every day till kingdom come. I am an atheist, so I am not impressed by your devoutness. In any case, whether or not I “like” the God that you proposed doesn’t affect His popularity at all.

Happy Friendship Day to All!

P.S. This issues with the approval of my good friend, Marky.