On the the First Engineers’ Day After Train-18

In my SCRA interview I was asked a simple-sounding question, “So you want to be an engineer?  Can you name five engineers of the country?”

Pat I replied, “Vikram Sarabhai, Meghnad Saha, Satish Dhawan ... .” The interviewer corrected me, “They are scientists. I want names of engineers.” “Umm...” I said, “Visweswaraiya.”

“Correct, give us four more names.” I couldn’t.

A scientist gives us a new theory, even a new design. He gives us a Fast Breeder Nuclear Reactor, a Chandrayaan or DNA Sequencing. An engineer puts the science through a multiplication process. He sets up factories and economic means to mass produce satellites, rockets, reactors and Automatic DNA Sequencing Machines. He converts the wispy dreams of scientists into concrete, steel and semiconductors. A scientist is often allowed to fail, not an engineer.

I am privileged to have worked with a brilliant team of engineers in the Integral Coach Factory that designed and put together the Train 18, or the Vande Bharat Express, the first ever semi-high speed train made in India.

The Vande Bharat Express has run uninterrupted for seven months without a single failure or mishap. Unfortunately, its success became its undoing just as its mass production plan was laid out.

Crisis in the Indian Automotive Sector! Really?

Media is agog with the crisis in Indian Automobile Industry - sales are down, losses are mounting, there is unsold inventory and so on. Well, this may sound outrageous, but have the Indian car makers heard the word called “DISCOUNT”. 

Our farmers lose money, not only due to low procurement prices, but also due to problems that are well known, but beyond their control. Land holding are small making farming increasingly unviable. Input costs are rising. Middlemen buy low, hoard and then sell high cornering all profits. Most marginal farmers are deep in debt; some even commit suicide in despair. Yet, they don’t stop farming, nor do they leave the land fallow for a crop season the way car factories are shutting down production for a few days every month.

Mobile phone makers have to grapple with an intensely competitive and fast saturating market. They must continuously innovate to make new models and sell for minimal profits. They have to clear old stocks at massive discounts. They are not shutting down either. 

Neither farmers nor mobile phone manufacturers are going to town crying copious tears over losses, drop in sales, high taxes or unsold inventories. They get up and brace for another season of cropping or innovation respectively.

Why don’t car majors sell a ten lakh car for five lakhs to clear inventories? After all, the real estate sector is doing exactly that. Why don’t they innovate and bring down their price tags? Maybe we have pampered them too long. 

An aspiring India was fascinated with owning personal cars, but no more. We still want a new car, even the first car in life, but give us a deal Mr. Car Manufacturer! I will shed no tears over your loss of business. We have borne with you for nearly three decades of poor quality, barebones designs, indifferent after sales service and and high prices. No more.

Thank you.

Tête-à-tête with Gupta Ji

One gets a call in the morning, “Namaste, Sir! Gupta speaking, Sir!” Or, “Sir, Sharma here.” 

Now there are a million Guptas and half a million Sharmas around. I know a few thousand of them each. But, I don’t have the heart to ask the caller, “Gupta who?” Or, “Kaun Sharma, bhai?” Sometimes they are more specific, “Sir, AK Gupta here” or PK Sharma speaking, Sir!” That doesn’t give me a clue either since I probably know at least two dozen AK Guptas and a dozen PK Sharmas. 

The caller is so warm in his introduction and expects that I place him immediately in the galaxy of Guptas and Sharmas that I play along, “Yes, yes, Gupta! How are you doing?” Now, this is a pit I have dug for myself. The guys is elated for having reignited the old aquaintance and I, on the other hand, cannot retrace my steps anytime now and ask, “But, Gupta who?” So, I converse away tentatively, trying all the while, to exactly pinpoint which Gupta I am speaking with. This is how it goes.

Gupta says, “Sir, it is great to see you going places.” I am not sure whether Gupta is speaking about my transfers or my promotions.

I reply, “Yes thank you, Gupta. Where have you been all these years?” I ask a probing question and expect to identify the guy from his chain of transfers. After all there can’t be too many Guptas going through Gorakhpur, Hubli, Bilaspur and Bikaner in that sequence. Or, some similar transfer-travel by the person could trigger the Sherlock Holmes in me. 

Unfortunately, Gupta says, “ Where will I go, Sir? I am in Lucknow only.” The adjective “only” specifies a non-transferable Gupta. Now, I know at least half-a-dozen Guptas in Lucknow. Sherlock Holmes gets no clues.

Finally we hang up after enquiring about the whereabouts, family and children and where we plan to settle down after retirement. Guess where Gupta will settle down. Lucknow only. Gupta tells me that he has built a house in Gomtinagar, “Next to Sharma’s house, Sir. You know Sharma’s house, don’t you?”

I have now been invited by Gupta to visit him. At least I know the city now. I can tell the rickshaw wallah in Lucknow to take me to Gupta Ji, who lives next to Sharma Ji. Do you think I will reach him?

                       —-ooo—-

बड़े बाबू और प्रोसीजर

मैं ही हूँ प्रोसीजर बाबू
नहीं किसी के आया क़ाबू
जनता हो या हो सरकार
न्यायपालिका या अख़बार
चाहे जितना ज़ोर लगा लें
क़लम चला लें या तलवार
मेरे आगे सब लाचार

बड़े सचिव ने फ़ाईल चलाई
उत्तम थे उनके सुविचार
लगने हैं उद्योग, कि खोलें
देश में नूतन कारोबार
नौकरियॉं फिर ख़ूब बढ़ेंगी
देश में ख़ुशहाली फैलेगी
रेलगाड़ी, बस और जहाज़
उपग्रह, रॉकेट, खेत, अनाज

पर मैंने जब नोटिंग डाली
ऑब्जेक्शन की स्याही काली
फ़ाईल भेज दें वित्त विभाग
उनकी फिर अनुमति के बाद
पर्यावरण विभाग से पूछें
कहीं नहीं हो कोई विवाद
फिर क़ानून विभाग का ठप्पा
सचिवालय का चप्पा-चप्पा
जब तक ना छानें, सरकार!
मेरी राय यही है, सर जी!
आगे बढ़ने में है रार

वैसे मैं हूँ अदना बाबू
लेकिन सिस्टम है बेक़ाबू
आप बड़े साहब हैं मेरे
पर पग-पग चक्कर बहुतेरे
मैं ना चाहूँ आप फँसें, सर!
प्रोसीजर ना भंग करें, सर!
और कैरियर अच्छा होगा
कहीं फँसे तो गच्चा होगा

काम का क्या है? होता होगा
यही देश ने अब तक भोगा
चाहे कोई करे ना कुछ, पर
पहनें सब सच का ही चोगा
सर आपके तीस बरस हैं
मंत्री जी के केवल पॉंच
ऑर्डर सरकारी हो कुछ भी
आप फूँककर पीवें छाछ

मंत्री आते जाते रहते
जनता के भी सपने बनते
आप तो सर ख़ुद बच के चलिये
फ़ाईल-पत्र पर कुछ मत लिखिये
मैंने अब तक के सचिवों को
यही ज्ञान बाँटा श्रीमान्
बेदाग़ सब हुए रिटायर
पेंशन पाया और सम्मान

साहब सुन कर मेरी राय
हुए बड़े भयभीत
सोचे, फिर कुछ गुन कर बोले
अगर यही है रीत
मैं काहे को जान फँसाऊँ
क्यों निष्ठा बेकार दिखाऊँ
आप, बड़े बाबू! हैं मेरे
असली तारणहार
ऐन वक़्त पर मुझे आपने
सही दिखाया द्वार

बड़े बाबू, इन पत्रों को अब
लगा ठिकाने घर चलें
ये सारे प्रस्ताव भी फाड़ें
कूड़ेदान के अंदर डालें
अब क्या करना
क्यूँकर डरना
तनखा को तो है ही आना
बस घर-दफ़्तर आना जाना
काम करें या बैठे ठाले
रूई कान में ठूँस के डालें
मेरा क्या कोई करे बिगाड़
मैं तो हूँ नियमों की आड़
मेरी नौकरी मेरी जान
कुर्सी से मेरी पहचान
जनता जाये चूल्हे भाड़।
 —-ooo—-