GOODBYE SHANTABAI

We love to look for new underdogs, so that we can "look after" them and feel good. This search for the underprivileged has reached ridiculous proportions. Each one of us, an NGO, a Mission, a Trust and now even the cours of law and various tribunals is in this game of finding one's own underdog, which one can cuddle, hug and care for. Even the government departments and ministries such as those for labour welfare, environment, women and child care have decided to jump on the band wagon. So, instead of governing, they too are looking for "victims" and the "persecuted" so that they can rescue them and feel good and worthy in their own eyes. In the same quest the a labour welfare body of the government of India has decided to "protect" the domestic workers, the housemaids and manservants. 

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These are the new proposals to "protect" domestic help:

Minimum wages: Rs. 9000pm, higher for skilled ones, like cooks .. .. .. Employer's Contribution to Social Security - PF, Pension .. .. .. Great emphasis on Welfare .. .. .. Maid Unions and collective bargaining .. .. ..

Here are my options:

Robotic Vacuum cleaner: 20,000
Washing Machine: 15,000
Dryer: 20,000
Dish Washer: 30,000
A deep freezer: 20,000
A steam iron: 2000 - 15,000
Semi-cooked or pre-cooked food
More home delivery service
(Total: Rs. One lakh approx.)

Or,

Litigation, harassment by labour inspectors, filing of returns, intimidation by maid unions and NGOs.

The choice is clear.

But wait, who are the gainers in this socialist "protection" game - LG, Samsung, IFB, Hair, Philips, MTR, Kellogs, Domino's ... (Koreans, Germans, Chinese, Americans ... ..)

And who are the losers - The maid, who was earlier happy with four thousand Rupees, which paid for her children's school fees, books, milk and enabled some savings. The servant, who could send five thousand Rupees home to his destitute family in Chhotanagpur since all his peraonal expenses were paid for in kind by the employer - food, clothing, medicines, toiletries ...

They will now remain jobless because some labour welfare department has decided to "protect" them!

LET'S APPOINT A COMMITTEE

61,000 High Net Worth Individuals have fled the country. Even considering each one left with just a million dollars each, that would be sixty one billion dollars! I am not even counting the loss of entrepreneurial spirit that went away with it or businesses they have wound up so that they could leave.

Reasons cited for this flight are turmoil in home country, security concerns and children's education. But, I think it was just a pursuit for a better quality of life. The countries they made their new homes are primarily the USA, the UK, Australia and the UAE. 

If only we could stop this flight, we wouldn't need to carry that begging bowl all over the world asking for FDI, which largely remains elusive. Let's appoint a committee to examine this phenomenon. I offer myself as the convenor.

ALLOW ME TO HAIL MY OWN TAXI

Till recently we had to stop a taxi (four wheeler or three wheeler) either by waiving a hand or shouting "TAXI ..." Then came radio taxis, which could be booked on phone for a planned journey. But, a casual commuter in the market still had to hail his taxi the conventional way. Now companies like Ola and Uber have enabled the commuter to call a taxi on the fly by a tap on the mobile phone. And, everyone is up in arms against this unstoppable march of technology.

The new generation taxi owners/drivers are happy for they are enrolling in thousands with the "App". Customers are happy for they do not need to crane their necks and shout. A tap on the phone and the nearest free cab locates you on GPS. They are also happy since the the service is "cashless". The App also provides for sharing of the fare if there are many riders and they decide to go dutch - a revolution in cab sharing and car pooling, easily enabled by technology. The taxi drivers get their payments with unfailing regularity every week from the company after due deductions. Fares have come down substantially and the scope for cheating and overcharging has been cut down significantly.

But, the entrenched taxi owners/drivers, radio taxi companies, TV and Print media, sections of the government and courts do not seem comfortable with this concept anywhere in the world. Conventional taxi drivers went on a nationwide strike in France. There have been protests against and attacks on Uber in China, South Africa and USA.

How can the main stakeholder, the taxi rider be so conveniently forgotten? Just a few months ago retailers of consumer durables, white goods and electronic gadgets raised a hue and cry against online retailers only to be told that there was nothing the government could do to help them. Why this activism in case of taxis.

My prediction - no matter what these guys and institutions do, Ola and Uber and many others like them are here to stay for technology marches unimpeded.

बॉस की डॉंट

जब मैं नौकरी में अपेक्षाकृत बहुत अपरिपक्व था, तब मैंने अपने एक बॉस के सामने कोई समझदारी की बात कर दी। अब बात तो समझदारी की थी, पर बॉस के मुखारविंद से नहीं निकली थी। ज़ाहिर है साहब को मेरी बात बड़ी नागवार गुज़री। 

बॉस ने आंखें तरेरीं और गुर्राए - यू थिंक यू नो एवरीथिंग? कितने साल की नौकरी हुई है तुम्हारी?

मैंने सहमते हुए कहा - स् .. सर, कोई आठ साल।

बॉस - और तुम मुझे मेरा काम सिखाने चले हो? डू यू नो आई हैव गॉट थट्टी इयर्स ऑफ़ एक्सपीरिएंस?

अब थट्टी ईयर सुनकर मेरी तो टट्टी सरकने को हुई। मैं कहते-कहते रह गया कि सर आपकी कार्यशैली देखकर तो लगता है कि यू हैव ऑनली वन ईयर ऑफ़ एक्सपीरिएंस, मल्टीप्लाइड बाई थट्टी। पर मैंने सोचा अभी साहब से उलझने में ख़तरा बहुत है, ट्वेंटी टू इयर्स के बाद जब मेरे भी थट्टी हो जाएँगे तब महाशय को देख लूँगा। यह सोचकर मैंने पलायन में ही भलाई समझी।

                  ---०००---

CHARITY IS NOT ATONEMENT ENOUGH FOR MANSLAUGHTER (A JAIL TERM IS)

Salman Khan has finally been sentenced to five years in jail for running over and killing pavement dwellers. The entire Bollywood has risen like a trade union expressing support and solidarity for Salman Khan. Even before the judgement came, we saw numerous persons singing paeans for Salman - he is a true friend of friends, he is a philanthropist par excellence, he has the heart of a five-year-old and he is nothing but honey and sugar. Some of the Bollywood comrades of the convict have actually gone on to call the pavement dwellers the real culprit! Why did those poor, destitutes, hungry, unwashed, unclothed and uncouth scums of the world come in the way of the fancy car which ran on petrol in its tank and alcohol in the veins of the great hero?

Not that these guys bother about the Indian concept of Karma, but they need to be reminded that one must pay for one's deed as it is laid down in the books of law, morality and ethics. Well, one can possibly satisfy the canons of morality and ethics by philanthropy and donations, but law has its own books that prescribe jail for killing a man.

"Let law take its own course" and "I have full faith in the judiciary" are two oft repeated

statements of those facing conviction. But, there is an unstated expectation and indeed, an unspoken claim of being treated favourably. Well, in this case a thousand good deeds of Salman have not been able to mitigate the loss of an innocent life. So he goes to jail.

If Salman and his friends really believe that his good deeds and the heart of gold should have helped him escape conviction, they are wrong. They should be telling him that his good deeds will give him strength to bear the jail sentence. That is how Karma works.

The TRAI non-Paper on net-neutrality

One of the questions that TRAI poses the "stakeholder" is:

Question 9: What are your views on net-neutrality in the Indian context? How should the various principles discussed in para 5.47 be dealt with? Please comment with justifications.

The question shows a presumptuous understanding that there should be a different definition of net-neutrality in the "Indian context". Does it mean that even in the face of the American Federal Communications Commission's recent quashing of similar shameless efforts by the US telecom companies to maximise profits our TRAI can even imagine that different countries and societies can define freedom of information differently? Will the Human Rights Commission of India also come out with a "consultation paper" on how to treat the value of human life in the Indian context? Or, will the National Commission for Women on how to treat rapes in the Indian context?

And, here we are, the Indian intelligentsia signing on-line petitions to the government and to the TRAI to stop discrimination in Internet access. As if online petitions ever had any impact on decision making. Such petitions can be easily scoffed at by the powers that be on the ground that two lakh signatories in a country of one hundred and thirty crore does not count even for half a mouthful for a starving man.

Like the ever pliant and obedient subjects of the state we have accepted that the TRAI paper is a valid document to start with and that TRAI has some mandate to ask our opinion on this issue. I do not subscribe to this understanding. What business did TRAI had to think that an Airtel can have a "deal" with a "Flipkart" and that citizens would be asked to opine on this? Why did the TRAI not come down on Airtel with a hefty penalty the moment such a "concessional rate" of access was offered to its subscribers? Why publish a consultation paper?

I think that the TRAI consultation paper #2/2015 on Regulatory Framework for Over-the-top (OTT) services is unauthorised, illegal and beyond the mandate of TRAI. TRAI is just supposed to enforce the principle of net neutrality. It cannot seek public opinion on this matter, just the way a judge cannot ask public at large whether award of a jail sentence to a rapist is justified in the "Indian context". The judge simply has to do his assigned job.

If there must be an online petition, it should be on whether the TRAI Paper should be withdrawn, whether the official, who wrote it should be sacked and on whether TRAI should be questioned on why it has not acted against the offenders so far.

A B S O L U T E L Y

The most popular word in the lexicon of Indian TV newsreaders is "ABSOLUTELY". In one word the anchor endorses the statement of the other person on the screen  and also thanks the other party for agreeing with what he or she had been pontificating on for the last quarter-of-an-hour. This one word, ABSOLUTELY, is the essence of the whole intellectual capital that resides in the studios of the English TV news channel, it showcases the entire editorial might of the channel, it well nigh decimates the opposing thought in one clean swipe, just like the beheadings being telecast live by the ISIS. After all, how can anyone stand up to something that is absolute and final! The pronouncement of the puissant utterance produces an impact that is bigger and eternal like an entire paragraph, nee a whole thoughtful newspaper article.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, a moving picture (moving as in shaking, not as in impactful) is worth your complete morning breakfast. After the porridge, the bacon and the toasted whole-wheat bread gulped down with cranberry juice if you do not hear the word, there is no way your intestines are going to extract one bit of nutrition from all that. Absolutely!

"THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW" comes a distant second. Besides, it is a whole sentence.

So, happy watching and happy surfing to you all. It is in the news channels that real entertainment lies (pun intended).

Coffee on the Highway

My work often takes me to Coimbatore, which is the largest railway station of my Division. Coimbatore is also one of the biggest cities of Tamil Nadu and an industrial hub. One feels good looking at industries dotting the landscape. The city itself is a beautiful urban scape - extremely clean, neatly laid out roads, disciplined traffic and no shabbiness at all that characterises our cities in the North. You will not find debris lying around, broken or unpainted building facades or garbage outside eateries. It is quite obvious that the Coimbatorian is proud of his city.

Coming back to my travels to Coimbatore, I love to travel by road in this part of the country. The National Highway 47 that I take is a delight to travel on. It must be a pleasure to self-drive too, but being a bada sahib, I am deprived of that privilege. Not only is the highway as good as it gets with no surprises by sudden appearances of two wheelers, cows and unruly truck drivers, the scenery that it offers is a sight to behold as well. I am certain that Tamil Nadu must be the most urbanised state of India, for I see no villages during my journey. Well, let me correct myself - there are villages indeed, but they all look like nice small towns. No sign of the typical North India's unkempt mud houses, stray cattle, smell of cow dung and open drains. The landscape is quite unlike one sees in the North, with coconut groves and banana plantations presenting a soothing and orderly view.

The best part of my road journey, however, is the coffee by the Highway. The famous “KDFC Only Coffee” serves coffee in a set of brass davara and tumbler. The acronym stands for Kumbhakonam Degree Filter Coffee. What they serve is "Only Coffee". I was intrigued by the word “degree”. Later enquiry revealed that the first decoction made in the filter pot is called degree coffee. A degree coffee would also retain its status only if it was made with pure undiluted milk, also known as degree milk. The first decoction from the filter was reserved for the head of the household, others would have to be content with the second degree or the second drain from the powder used for the first degree. I guess they serve third degree coffee in police stations. KDFC is a kind of a minor cult here, though the coffee itself is nothing special. But, one does feel good stopping by the KDFC outlet since they do serve it in style - shining brassware and extremely clean ambience. And, one feels like the head of the household for those few minutes. If not in one’s own household, then let it be at the dhaba. The meaning of "Only" does not seem to have any relevance however since what they serve is a blend of Coffee and Chicory. The tiny eateries that serves snacks and biscuits are sparkling clean and so are the surroundings. I am told that the KDFC thing is not even a franchise. One could just open a coffee outlet and start selling "KDFC Only Coffee". The same can't be said of "KFC Only Chicken" though.

Am I falling in love with Tamil Nadu? You bet I am. There is more to Tamil Nadu than Chennai and it is waiting to be explored.

My Rules of Facebook - On Friendship Day.

Dear Friends, Friends in Waiting and Wannabe Friends,

 
In the new year after the Friendship Day just gone by, let us resolve to be good friends on-line. Here are the rules I follow and expect you to follow if you want the privilege of my Facebook friendship.
(What! Did you just say you do not want to be my friend? That is perfectly fine with me too.)

 
1. You should have your own photo in the “profile photo” box. No, the picture of your saucepan doesn’t qualify, neither does the photo of your cute little cuddly pup. I also do not get any idea of who you are by looking at the shot of your newly born daughter. Yes, she is adorable, but it doesn’t help at all. Your name alone is not a great help to my memory either. There are half a million out there with the same name. Also, I cannot make out what you looked like in college, when we last met, from your childhood photo. So your own photo please, and a recent one!

2. Please do not send me invitations to play Candy Crush or Heady Heartthrob, or whatever you spend your time playing in your office. While the levels that you have achieved in such intellectual games does speak a lot about your cerebral achievements, I am still not up to them. Therefore, please spare me the pleasures that you enjoy so effortlessly. Maybe I am dull, dimwit and downright rustic. But, I am happy the way I am.

3. Please update your profile when you change your job, city, dog, car, phone number or spouse. Your profile reads, "Worked in Company XYZ" instead of "Works in company XYZ". Have you been sacked? Are you jobless these days surviving on state dole? Your profile also suddenly states that you married the person, who we always thought was your husband/wife for a quarter of a century. Was it all illegal so far, or as they say nowadays, a live-in arrangement till yesterday? I am concerned as a true friend. So, please update your profile too.

4. Please do visit your own “wall” occasionally and update your “status”. A friend who has nothing to say for months at a stretch is no fun! So, please do write something interesting once in a while, which proves that you are still alive and kicking, for I tend to unfriend dead friends.

5. Sending links to sensational news items, Jokes or YouTube videos without your own views on them doesn’t count as “status update”. I too buy newspapers and occasionally visit the YouTube as well. After all, I too have an office to attend.

6. Posting of photos of various Gods doesn’t count either. With thirty three crores of them, you could actually post a new photo every day till kingdom come. I am an atheist, so I am not impressed by your devoutness. In any case, whether or not I “like” the God that you proposed doesn’t affect His popularity at all.

Happy Friendship Day to All!

P.S. This issues with the approval of my good friend, Marky.

Let Us Curse All That is Indian and Look Modern

The Tamil Nadu Cricket Association (TNCA) Club has denied entry to a sitting High Court Judge of the Madras High Court. He was wearing a Dhoti (or veshti), which did not conform to the dress code of the club. This has created a furore in the media here in Tamil Nadu. The same club and similar other clubs have denied entry to persons not following a certain dress code in the past too. But, denial of entry to a Judge has brought issues of culture, Constitution and Brown Sahibs to the fore. The government says it will bring a new law to make such clubs fall in line and begin honouring Indian and Tamil culture. Such a bill will undoubtedly tell these vestiges of the British Empire that they should now stop being flag bearers of some perceived sophistication which, in their view, comes only with Western attire and mannerisms. At the same time, it could be infringement on the rights of a private body by the state. The Madras High Court has correctly refused to intervene in the private matters of a private club, when a PIL was filed in this matter.

A law governing internal dress codes and mores of a club will come given the determination of the legislators, it may still be challenged as invasion of personal freedom. It will be easier for the government to ask all the government servants to terminate their memberships of such clubs and stop attending functions there. This is legally enforceable and possible to implement within a week. With government officers gone, the charm of the club, which thrives on hobnobbing of businessmen and contractors with such bureaucrats, will vanish in no time, regardless of the dress people wear in the hallowed precincts.

http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/tamil-nadu/dhoti-row-tn-mulls-law-on-dress-code-in-clubs/article6216754.ece?homepage=true

My Bundle of Joy is 25!

(On Pragya's Birthday, June 13, 2014)

Yes, it was just the other day I held you in my arms as my own little doll, a baby girl in a family of men and boys. O! How I wished to have a daughter, who my own mother had already named, years before you were born - Pragya. When you took your first tottering steps round that small table, when you bit my fingers with your first tiny teeth,when you steadied yourself clutching my trousers and when you snuggled in for the silly stories that I had to create every night, the delight was unbound. From the first day in the school, when you would keep looking back beseeching us to rescue you to the most mature member of the family looks like a leap in time. It looks as if it was yesterday when you spoke your first words and then again it looks so far away.

Then your going away to a boarding school. You may have cried aloud, but our hearts bled every day. But, what a blossom we plucked from your school after those years! Supremely confident and a sight to behold, how proud you made us! A guide to your parents beyond your age. We are becoming dependent on you and we didn't even notice the roles change.

Betu, even though it may have been an easy sail, you must prepare for the unseen and the unknown that may come your way. Twenty five years is a quarter of a century, but it is only a few years into adulthood. As the shade of your own parents slowly retreats, you will grow into one who must become that shade to others. So, live your life to the full, enjoy the zest of success as I know you will and yet keep your feet firmly planted and your moorings firm. It takes little to go adrift. All setbacks and heartaches must be allowed to fade and all successes and triumphs savoured. Share your joys with your friends and the sorrows with us. But, be the light that shows the path to all.

It is hard to imagine you will fly away one day to build your own nest. But, such a day must come and we will gladly see you go away. I will grieve not in your absence, but relive the moments of your life in my rocking chair with coffee in one hand a photo album in the other.

Happy Birthday, Betu!

 

बॉस की शिकायत

(सच्ची घटना पर आधारित)

एक बार मेरे एक बॉस ने मुझसे पूछा, "सुना है तुम पीठ पीछे मेरी शिकायत करते हो।"

मैंने तपाक से उत्तर दिया, "जी सर, करता हूँ।"

बॉस अवाक रह गये। सोचा होगा, मैं ना नुकुर करूँगा, बचाव में कुछ बोलूँगा, फिर वे मुझे हड़काएँगे और मैं दुम दबाकर माफ़ी मांगूगा, अहा कितना मज़ा आएगा!

पर बेचारे बॉस की योजना धरी की धरी रह गयी, जब मैंने कह ही डाला कि मैं उनकी पीठ के पीछे उनकी शिकायत करता हूँ। बॉस असंतुलित हो गये। फिर अपने आप को संभाला और दहाड़े, "क्या?"

उनका अनुमान था कि मैं दुबक जाउँगा और वे अपना टूटा सपना फिर से जोड़ पायेंगे। पर ऐसा कुछ नहीं हुआ।

मैंने कृत्रिम भोलेपन से कहा, "लेकिन सर, ऐसा तो आप भी करते होंगे न, अपने बॉस की बुराई, उनकी पीठ के पीछे?"

इससे पहले कि निरुत्तर बॉस फिर अपने आप को संभालें, मैंने वहाँ से खिसकने में ही अपनी भलाई समझी।