My Facebooking Wife

It is often said by management czars and Internet consultants that Social Media has connected the world together, has brought back long-lost friends and forgotten schoolmates to reconnect with. Has it, really?

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It is a cold winter morning and it feels good to remain snuggled under warm covers. But, suddenly I sense some movement and squirming and wait for the loving hug of the wife before we must slink out and the humdrum of life takes over. After much movement and ruffling of the sheets, a hand comes out. A hand not connected to a body, just to a voice, “Pass me the iPad”. I dutifully do the needful.

Lo and behold! The whole household comes alive. Wife is now wide awake, with reading glasses poised on the bridge of her nose and her fingers dancing deftly on the retina screen, just as my retinas were still looking for some respite from the photons streaming onto them. “Look!” She says, “I got twenty five likes and six comments! And you’re still sleeping! Now, be a darling and get me a nice cup of tea while I see how many friend requests have landed on my lap.”

“Twenty five likes and six comments! While we were fast asleep, her friends were apparently not”, I think, as I lumber over to the kitchen. In the flat and wired world of today, when the Sun of data shines on the whole planet all the time, does humanity ever sleep? My wife and her friends do not, I am sure.

In this world of instant likes and across the globe connects and friend-requests, I wonder what happened to the LIKE that I secured in her heart after years of sincere efforts, gifts of solitaires and incessant wooing after an arranged marriage. Intense love did blossom in my life, which was soon so complete and fulfilling, full of purpose and hope, complete with mutual respect and adoration. As I walk in with the cups of tea, she jumps and gives me a tight big hug. “See!” I tell myself, “she loves me still”. Just then she exclaims, “Look, here is Janaki, my classmate for three months in my school, when I was in grade four”. By now she is jumping with joy, “And, she has sent me a friend request and has liked my post on our dog’s new collar too!” A classmate for just three months in a distant past? And here I am, nearing the silver jubilee of my marriage, only to be displaced by an inert piece of electronics, a mere slate! Crestfallen, I sit down to sipping my tea, with Splenda to replace all the splendid moments I spent with her in life.

Watch out Mark Zuckerberg! All your IPO billions, your poorly conceived timeline and your graph search engine can’t save you when I come after you with a machete.