Call me Mister, Yo Salesman!

I got a call today from a call centre. The caller asked, "Am I speaking with Shubhranshu?"

I said, "No, you are speaking with Mister Shubhranshu."

The caller was stumped for a few moments, stuttered and said, "Of course, Mr. Shubhranshu." Then he went ahead with his monotone selling some insurance policy, or holiday plan or credit card. I don't remember what it was since I had switched off due to his rudeness in addressing me.

These call centre guys and gals are called "executives". Well, they are surely not trained or evolved like executives. I would expect an executive to call me Mister if he calls me in English, or a Ji, if in Hindi, or a Garu or a Moshai, if in Telugu or Bangla respectively. No, Mr. Executive, I am not your friend, nor I am a resident of the US. You may even have a newly acquired American accent drilled into you through some idiotic training plan. I may be a rustic dehati, but show me reverence that a customer deserves. 

You may have the best hotel discounts, the most comprehensive insurance policy or the greatest credit card with complementary lounge accesss at all airports in the world, but do address me with respect if you want to sell your wares.

Else, I am not interested. Don't bother to call me again. I have put you on the Call-me-Mister registry.

मेरा राज्य बिहार

भारत के प्राचीन देश में मेरा राज्य बिहार

सबसे पहले यहीं बनी थी प्रजातंत्र सरकार

प्रजातंत्र सरकार विश्व की पथप्रदर्शिका

संस्कृति की औ' मानवता की मार्गदर्शिका

यही बिहार का राज्य रहा जो विश्वगुरु कहलाता था

विक्रमशिला और नालंदा, ज्ञान से गहरा नाता था

जब किंतु वे नष्ट हुए उबर नहीं पाया अबतक

क्लांतिहीन हो गया राज्य जो ज्ञानपुंज का था रक्षक

नये देश ने उत्साहित हो बागडोर सँभाली थी

जैसे ही इस अँधियारे में राह निकलने वाली थी

तभी डँस गया नाग विषैला फिर घेरा अँधियारे ने

सूखा ठूँठ बस बचा जहाँ फूलों की सुंदर डाली थी

छात्र हुए हैं दिशाहीन, शिक्षक कर्त्तव्य से स्खलित हुए

मात-पिता अति चिंतित हैं, संतान-व्यथा से गलित हुए

याद करो मागध, वैशाली और जनक के वैभवकाल

गंगा से सिंचित ये धरती क्यों होती रहती बेहाल

लूट-खसोट और धमकी-बलवे दिनचर्या में आम हुए

अपहरण, फिरौती, बेदख़ली और कितने क़त्लेआम हुए

भ्रमित-भयातुर जन पशुओं की भाँति दुबके बैठ रहे

जातिवाद, लालच, हथियार प्रजातंत्र के दाम हुए

भ्रष्टाचार, निष्कर्म, निरर्थक शासन, कुछ ना होता है

बेबस, मूक नागरिक बस अपनी क़िस्मत को रोता है

भई किसान की भूमि सूखी जो वृष्टि ने आँखें फेरीं

हर ग़रीब और हर किसान क़र्ज़ों का बोझा ढोता है

बुद्ध, महावीर की धरती तनिक शांति को रोती है

मॉं अपने बच्चे क़िस्मत पर जगती ना सोती है

रक्षक भक्षक बन बैठे, अपनी रोटी हैं सेंक रहे

जनता वहीं चिता से लगकर ख़ाली पेटों सोती है

NO FRILLS, AT WHAT COST?

Are the"no-frills" airlines, who charge you for the snacks and meals on board, really saving any money or simplifying their on-board services? Unlike the standard meal casseroles of a "full-service" airline, they actually offer your meals a la carte, much like first or business class of full-service airlines, hardly a no-frills feature.

This is how it goes:

The air-hostess, pushing the trolley, looks up a printout, "Hmm, 21A, Mr. Gupta Sir?" 

Mr. Gupta has dozed off and wakes up with a start, "Yes?"

"Sir, you have prebooked a veg meal, right?"

"No, I had booked a non-veg meal. There must be a mistake."

"No, Sir! The chart here says veg wonly."

Mr. Gupta loses his cool, "No, I want non-veg wonly."

Air-hostess gives up, "Okay, Sir! Non-veg is fifty rupees extra, but I will get you that."

Mr. Gupta is now happy at the fifty bucks profit he just made, "So, what-what do you have in non-veg?"

"Sir, chicken sandwich and chicken roll."

"What? This is a morning flight. Who eats chicken in the morning? Don't you have omelette?"

The air-hostess is now getting restless. She has spent over five minutes on just one passenger and has not even begun to serve him. Says, "Let me check, Sir."

She rushes to the pantry and comes back, " Sir, we have masala omelette and home-style omelette."

Mr. Gupta is now spoilt for choice, a privilege, which only business class passengers enjoy. Exclaims, "Get me masala omelette, then! No, no, wait! Who wants masala in the morning? Get me home-style omelette."

He is served and the hostess looks up the chart once again, "21D, Mr. Subramanian, Sir?"

Mr. Subramanian is deep in his thoughts. She says again, a little louder this time, "MR. SUBRAMANIAN, SIR!"

Mr. Subramanian is jolted out of his meditation and shouts, "Wh.., What happened?"

Air-hostess is taken aback, "S.., Sir! You are a corporate traveller. So, you are entitled to a complimentary snack. What would you like Sir?"

Mr. Subramanian is smiling on getting a free snack, "Get me medu vadai and sambhar, please!"

"Sir, we have only poha and vegetable pasta." She regretfully says. 

Mr. Subramanian's smile turns into a scorn, "Is poha even a snack? And, who wants pasta just before a meeting? No, no, I want medu vada, or idly wonly."

The air-hostess almost jumps out of her boots, "Idly, Sir? Yes, we do have idly. But, no sambhar, Sir. I can give you pudina chatni instead."

Mr. Subramanian, being a gentleman, surrenders, "Wokay, get me idly and pudina chatni, then."

He is served and the meals cart moves on.

Mr. Subramanian harks, "Madam, Do you have filter coffee?"

The air-hostess ignores the call, more due to being called madam than filter coffee not being available on board.

Then someone, who has not prebooked a meal, calls out, "Could I have a chicken roll please?"

"Sir, that would be three hundred rupees. If you had prebooked, you could have got it for just two hundred and seventy-five rupees."

"Okay, I will pay." the chastised and financially devastated passenger says.

"Sir, you need to give me three hundred rupees change." The seller of wares says.

"What do you mean by three hundred rupees change? I could understand if it was two hundred and seventy five." But, he fishes out three hundred from his wallet and the air-hostess smiles in gratitude.

And, this goes on and on, from either end of the aisle, two trolleys being pushed by four air-hostesses. The path to the toilets is blocked nearly for the entire duration of the two-hour flight.

Have they really done some calculations of their real costs of serving a la carte meals, a la business class, on payment? Wouldn't it be much simpler and far cheaper to just serve a single type of free meal to all passengers and earn some goodwill in return as well?